chey being

Seeing what's inside again.


6 Comments

Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies.

“A Pulitzer-winning reporter is writing an in-depth piece – about you. What are the three questions you really hope she doesn’t ask you?”

1.  Why do you choose to stay in a relationship that you have clearly stated you’re unhappy in?

2.  You seem to have clear beliefs on living life, do you think you follow those beliefs?

3.  Why should anyone listen to you?

 

Check out these other great questions:

  1. itsmatthewburgos.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/clear-these-thoughts-daily-prompt/
  2. jitterygt.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/three-questions-no-clue-no-answer/
  3. dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-questions/
  4. tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/here-be-questions/
  5. onesahmscrazylife.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/well-you-asked-for-it/
  6. ullisinstamoments.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/simple-as-that/
  7. grver.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions-daily-prompt/
  8. agent909.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions-embarrassing-habit-and-dream/
  9. cockatooscreeching.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  10. margaretrosestringer.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  11. dailymusing57.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/ask-me-anything-daily-prompt/
  12. underthemonkeytree.com/2014/05/29/whatever-she-wants/
  13. nonsmokingladybug.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/the-3-trick-questions/
  14. tnkerr.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  15. dx0330.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions-the-complete-post/
  16. raspberrydaydreams.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/an-interview/
  17. wannabepoet.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/tricking-the-trickster/
  18. jandelaforce.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/hakuna-matata/
  19. flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/no-secrets/
  20. kansamuse.me/2014/05/29/more-questions-i-cant-answer/
  21. aimanpeer.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/tricky-indeed/
  22. pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/httpdailypost-wordpress-comdp_prompttrick-questions/
  23. psychologistmimi.com/2014/05/29/proudly-im-a-jill-of-all-trades-dont-ask-me-about-crocs-dark-matter-or-dog-grooming/
  24. ericschweitz.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/three-trick-questions-deserve-three-dodgy-answers/
  25. paulwhitberg.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  26. smugwriter.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/natural-retaliation/
  27. rebeccaraelyn.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  28. hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/ques-chins/
  29. haiverer.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  30. kmgn.me/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  31. marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/no-true-confessions/
  32. chronicalsman.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/wheres-your-head-daily-post/
  33. eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/dont-ask-dont-tell/
  34. fugitivedays.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/the-3-questions-i-fear/
  35. cvillewinter.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/my-godiva-moment/
  36. themisfitscloset.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  37. activearmywife.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/conflicts/
  38. rainswritingrealm.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/more-like-ridiculous/
  39. teepee12.com/2014/05/29/bring-it-on/#comment-47891
  40. pintsof.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  41. randommstuffblah.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/dont-ask-me/
  42. thehalfandhalfblog.com/2014/05/29/questions/
  43. lovehappynotes.com/2014/05/22/the-pug-man/
  44. chasingdestino.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions-daily-post/
  45. theflavoredword.com/2014/05/29/lions-and-tigers-and-bears-oh-my/
  46. grfrazier.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/twisted-questions-can-peel-back-deepest-layer-of-characters/
  47. jaynesdailypost.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  48. anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/three-questions-three-wounds/
  49. kate0murray.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/a-caged-bird/
  50. learningneverstops.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions-hmmmm/
  51. misplacedtalent2.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/can-i-use-the-phrase-oh-no-you-didnt/
  52. bobbeck1600.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  53. mcwilson1956.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/may-i-recommend-an-excellent-colourist/
  54. jackiesworldtravel.com/2014/05/29/prague-in-a-nutshell/
  55. mitraarchita1995.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/daily-post-trick-questions/
  56. professoradrstilettorockstar.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/next-question/
  57. reginamartins.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  58. fatimanaeem12.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  59. justvisitingthisplanetblog.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-no-treats-just-tricks/
  60. reneeandherthoughts.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  61. nocrybabies.net/2014/05/29/you-and-your-trick-questions/
  62. emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2014/05/29/double-bind-games/
  63. nanasgotablog.com/2014/05/29/my-today-inspiration/
  64. lifeisgreat0.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/ill-decline/
  65. thegeorgiaprncess.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/trick-questions/
  66. mygroove.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  67. rustyiam.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/ghost-dog/
  68. glenn2point0.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/life-114-daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  69. inspirationallifemedia.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/i-wont-cry-i-wont-cry-wont-shed-a-tear/
  70. abipolarswritings.com/2014/05/30/why-you/
  71. usedstamp.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/i-do-better-with-multiple-choice-questions/
  72. secretangelps911.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/daily-prompt-trick-questions-who-are-you/
  73. roseglace.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/questioning/
  74. dyanehparcs.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/ask-me-not-daily-prompt-trick-questions/
  75. dyanehparcs.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/do-not-ask-me-to-remember/
  76. carmcharm.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/questions-answers/
  77. tyrocharm.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/the-three-questions-of-doom/
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What makes you happy?

The Top Five of what makes me happy.

The latest Weekly Challenge is list writing.  A great idea that I thought would come fairly easy.  I had quite a few ideas, but when I started, my lists were fizzling out by number three or they just felt forced.  Not a good sign; however, one thing I have learned when it comes to writing is…DON’T PANIC!  Each and every time I begin to feel the pressure, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it is already within me, I just have to listen.  When I would take tests in college I would have these moments of panic and I would go totally blank, so this was my trick to help me past those moments; I’ve found it works well for writing too!

Today I want to feel happy.  Today I want to appreciate all the small moments that give me that smile, inside and out.  How many times do we hear that we need to stop and smell the roses?  So many times that it doesn’t even register any more.  Our responses are almost a programed, “Yeah, yeah, I need to do that.”  We are rarely present. I am always re-playing a past event or thinking about what I need to do in the future.  Therefore, I have decided to list my happy moments because I know when I am in them, that I am nothing but present.  My “spidey senses” are on high alert, so-to-speak.  I hope this will inspire you into more than a passing thought, but into the action of being happy in the present moment.

1.  I am sure many have noticed my Gravatar.  This is me in a moment of bliss.  It is a time just for me when I am sitting in the shade with my feet propped up in the sun.  I am so happy and content that I can’t help but wiggle and rub my feet together from the warmth of the sun that is literally baking my skin.  Maybe it is because my feet are always freezing and I’m like a cold-blooded animal that needs to store heat to make it through the night.  Whatever the reason, it makes me deliciously happy.  I may be reading a book, I may be people watching, I may be enjoying a breeze and my favorite drink, LaCroix,  but I bask in it because I know soon, someone will come and ask me to do something!

2.  Do you recognize, “drive with your window down” kind of days?  They are hot days, but not stifling.   They can be sunny or cloudy with the chance of rain.  They simply have a feel and when we are present, we recognize them.  When I recognize these days, it seems the radio is in tune as well (no pun intended).  Every song that comes on is better than the last.   I love sticking my arm out the window and rolling my hand in the breeze.  My fingertips against the strong wind seem to fortify me with energy and strength.  Today was one of those days.

3.  When my family is together, usually over dinner, and we are all in sync.  This doesn’t happen often with teenagers, but when everyone is in a good mood, these are heartwarming moments that are my favorite time with my kids.  In these moments, we are all talking and so engaged that we are fighting for “talk time.”  The conversations flow quickly and excitedly.  We are all present and happy for a brief period in our busy lives.  I treasure when we are connected like this as a family.

4.  Laughing.  Obviously, I’m happy when I am laughing but I am super-happy when I am uncontrollably laughing.  I am always aware of these moments because they feel so deliriously good.  My eyes water so bad when I laugh that I start waving my hands in front of my face, as if this action will do anything to dry my eyes!  I also laugh when I am nervous.  It can be difficult to control in these moments, which often lead to extreme embarrassment.  For example, I laughed through the majority of my wedding vows of my first marriage.  My body was shaking from laughing (and trying to control it) and everyone behind me thought, “Oh, how sweet, she is crying!”  No.  No crying, just laughing from nerves.  It was so bad that you can see me convulsing in the video taken from the back of the church!  As awkward as it makes some situations, I would rather laugh through my nerves.

5.  When the moon, stars and planets align and I know the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Now, this does not happen as often as I would like, but when it does…it is a moment like angels singing.  I find that when I am in those moments of much needed guidance and clarity, I am usually stressed out and desperate for answers.   This is how I feel, but in reality it is one of two things:  1.  Me, fighting what I already know or 2.  Looking in the wrong direction and trying to figure it out for myself, thus making me blind to the answer.  The precious few times I have felt as sure as the sun will rise, are truly magnificent.

Bonus #6.  When I finish Monday’s Weekly Writing Challenge before Friday! 🙂

 

Here are other “Lists” to enjoy (written up by Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss):

  1. thatindianminimalist.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/20things/
  2. cvillewinter.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/her-list/
  3. angelocrux.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/mission-accomplished/
  4. marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/periodic-chart-of-incomprehensibility/
  5. remindyourmind.org/2014/05/26/a-list-of-steps-to-success-or-to-failure/
  6. garridon.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/the-lonely-sounds-of-war/
  7. new3creationservices.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/lessonslearnedmovefrommom/
  8. unlockingwords.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/list-poetry-jobs-ive-had/
  9. perpetualmischief.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/challenge-accepted/
  10. zainabjavid.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/things-i-have-done-exactly-once-in-my-life/
  11. thoughtsofalunatic.com/2014/05/26/list-lesson/
  12. bagandspoon.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/been-there-done-that-must-go-back/
  13. bumblepuppies.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/normal-music-insults-my-intelligence/
  14. tammyinpdx.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/put-a-fork-in-your-what/
  15. dragonflygypsyusa.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/weekly-writing-challenge-lists/
  16. lovehappynotes.com/2014/05/27/lists-the-life-you-want/
  17. risingrave28.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/so-going-back/
  18. newteacherlife.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/10-teacher-promises-i-cant-keep/
  19. susiewittbrodt.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/how-to-write-a-blog-post-in-26-easy-steps/
  20. re3ecca.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/10-reasons-why-britain-would-be-stupid-to-leave-the-eu/
  21. jennigreenmiller.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/21-things/
  22. inkriched.com/2014/05/26/what-i-saw-this-morning/
  23. mcwilson1956.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/vegetables-a-to-z/
  24. isabeltowers.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/badly-bred-bitch/
  25. neverstationary.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/letters-to-old-friends-about-why-were-not-friends-today/
  26. tobreatheistowrite.com/2014/05/26/things-that-i-appreciate-now-that-im-older/
  27. aditi1641.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/reasons-why-i-love-cirs/
  28. secretweekendwriter.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/list-lesson-a-list-of-complimentary-closes/
  29. angelocrux.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/i-will-never-take-sleeping-pills/
  30. outwherethebusesdontrun.com/2014/05/26/everything-i-learned-about-life-i-learned-from-watching-movies/
  31. fourjuices.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/list-lesson-turned-life-lesson/
  32. kilatalkingstory.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/list-words-i-like/
  33. louisebleger.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/reasons-for-not-picking-up-the-phone/
  34. loveletterstoaghost.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/21-questions-i-never-thought-to-ask/
  35. livesinstone.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/lesser-known-perks-to-living-in-a-zombie-infested-world/
  36. lifebeinggirly.com/2014/05/27/listing-towards-something-writing-challenge/
  37. meaningfulmommy.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/5-dogs-and-a-snake-wordpress-weekly-prompt-challenge/
  38. burbujachica.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/weekly-writing-challenge-list-lessons/
  39. theequiaticbind.com/2014/05/27/the-daily-post-challenge-things-i-cant-live-without/
  40. hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/crazy-random-thoughts/
  41. proofeditpro.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/day-jobs-and-nut-logs/
  42. haphazardlyharpingon.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/weekly-writing-challenge-making-lists/
  43. tomboyforlife.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/weekly-writing-challenge-my-lists-on-tv/
  44. caseylove1985.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/few-of-my-favorite-things/
  45. caseylove1985.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/to-aspire/
  46. cindyshea.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/the-list-cindy-shea/
  47. pardenme.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/a-list-summer-fun/
  48. robynmaria91.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/ways-theyd-find-you-in-a-faceless-line-up/
  49. advocateofentropy.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/list-of-sorts/
  50. emilykarn.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/19-reasons-love-cat-vs-boyfriend/
  51. mostlytruestoriesofkrenaep.com/2014/05/27/thataintright/
  52. shawnong.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/train-rides/
  53. ofglassandpaper.com/2014/05/27/dailyprompt-list-lesson/
  54. ripplesoftruth.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/the-perfect-man/
  55. disfordaria.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/5-things-i-wish-i-could-do/
  56. thehalfandhalfblog.com/2014/05/27/boystexting/
  57. unlockingwords.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/faceless/
  58. suzie81speaks.com/2014/05/27/a-dented-bucket-list/
  59. lovehappynotes.com/2014/05/28/youre-a-star/
  60. livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/struggles-with-conflict-2/
  61. fishofgold.net/2014/05/27/10-things-i-hate-part-25-2/
  62. fishofgold.net/2014/05/27/10-things-i-hate-part-26/
  63. justbeverity.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/list-lesson-daily-post-weekly-writing-challenge-youll-do-it/
  64. chey4412.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/what-makes-you-happy/
  65. asnappshot.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/weekly-writing-challenge-list-lesson/
  66. bohemianstargypsy.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/weekly-writing-challenge-list-lesson/
  67. psychologistmimi.com/2014/05/27/seven-ways-to-avoid-wrinkles-including-staying-away-from-annoying-people/
  68. bohemianstargypsy.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/she-came-in-thru-the-bathroom-window/
  69. jennifergroeber.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/i-am-afraid/
  70. sarahleeregisterednurse.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/love-and-hate-a-nurses-list/
  71. starrytraveler.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/how-to-deal-with-the-phone/
  72. englishallyoucan.org/2014/05/ushering-new-day/
  73. thebohemianrockstarpresents.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/ten-things-i-have-to-do-after-i-graduate-college/
  74. mamacormier.wordpress.com/2014/05/28/writing-lists-jobs-ive-had-since-i-was-10/
  75. afragileline.wordpress.com/2014/05/27/life-in-red/
  76. midlifecrisiscrossover.com/2014/05/28/thoughts-that-never-occurred-to-me-during-my-lonely-nice-guy-years/
  77. bellemorgen.wordpress.com/2014/05/28/now-that-im-in-my-40s-i-totally-get-it/
  78. ritalnielsen.com/much-to-do-about-mushrooms/


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The Oak Tree (Blog Your Block Writing Challenge)

My neighborhood block has untold stories.  Maybe this was really one of them…

We were probably going to have to cut it down.  The roots were pushing up the land and making it difficult to cultivate.  My father said it would make for good firewood in the winter, but he knew my connection and would leave it up to me.

I thought about this.  The tree could be reduced to a pile of wood.  It would be burned up to keep us warm and then gone forever.  After at least a century of survival, its existence would be forgotten in a season.  Unless some lucky seed managed to make it’s way far far from here, there wasn’t even a sapling left behind in memory.

Standing under the canopy of this ancient beauty, I could see the narrow ring at its base.  It was made by me, of course.  Countless times I have walked around her.  Sometimes it was a slow, meditative walk; stretching my hand out to allow my fingers to graze the rough bark as I contemplated life and shared my thoughts.  Often, when I was younger, I would run around the tree, smiling and giggling and making myself dizzy.  I would fall in breathless exhaustion and look up at the sun twinkling through the leaves.  I loved the quiet moments of being lulled by the breeze that brushed the twirling leaves together.

This old tree has become my friend and I feel her awareness of my presence.   We bring an unspoken joy to one  another.  I can not allow my friend to die.  My friend will remain.  She will always be there for me and she will be the one to keep my memory alive long after I am gone.

 

Photo credit:  footage.shutterstock.com


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Holding on

I am not sure how much more I can take.

Today is our anniversary.  Much like the three before it, we fought.

I went rock climbing once in Alaska.  I had on a harness, I was connected to ropes, and a person at the bottom was there to tighten the rope should I slip or fall.  I was about half way up this vertical piece of gnarly rock when I panicked.  I needed to give a good reach to a two-fingered hold, but I couldn’t move.  My arms and legs were beginning to weaken and I couldn’t hold on for much longer.  Everyone began shouting at me, telling me what to do.  They were trying to help, but all I could think about was falling.  Even though I would not fall far, I would swing across the rock face quite a bit and surely slam some important body part against the jagged, unforgiving rock.

My mother was roped in not too far from me.  She could see the desperation in my eyes.  She began to descend a bit and slowly crept over closer to me.  She looked me straight in the eye, and with an extreme calm and confidence, she told me what to do.  I did it and of course, I made it.  One of the pictures I have of this excursion is a favorite of mine.  I am petrified, but I am smiling and saying between gritted teeth, “Hurry up and take the freakin’ picture!”

This is where I feel I am.  Smiling on the outside, but on the inside, I’m holding on for dear life.  I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on.  I just want to let go.  I am beginning not to care who gets hurt.  Where is my mother when I need her?

 


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Fear Becomes Me, Part One

“Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.” Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

So, there I was on a runaway train.  I contemplated often on how to get out of my situation.  The thought to leave my husband never really occurred to me and the thought of never talking to James again seemed an impossible task.  I think I was just waiting for something to happen.  I had no answer, no solution, so I waited.  For what, I did not know.

There is a feeling I get when I am deeply hurt.  It’s a feeling that goes straight to my heart and chest.  It is part pain and part the feeling of all my breath leaving me.  I can breath, but it doesn’t feel like it is giving me life.  It’s as if my soul has left me and my insides have caved in and will not allow air to enter.  This is also the same feeling I had almost everyday for years and years.  However, it was not brought on by being hurt, it was brought on by fear.  Fear of getting caught.  There were so many times when I would be on the phone or the computer and my husband would unexpectedly come home or come into the computer room.  There were so many times I had to plan to be away and lie about where I was going, wondering if my lies were being bought.  I hated the feeling with a passion but I DID NOT know how to stop it.  I could not break free of the mess I had created.  That is my only excuse.  I just physically and emotionally, could not let go of this person.

The affair and my feelings for James drew me farther and farther away from my husband.  He had become a friend to me and that was where I wanted the relationship to stay.  Of course, my husband wanted more and rightly so.   Over time, I could no longer be all the things a wife should be.  Apart from the stress of getting caught, there was the constant stress of my husband wanting to be intimate.  It truly pained me and I used every excuse in the book to avoid it.  This part of the story is hard to tell and so, I don’t really want to go any further than to make the point that I went to bed in fear every night.

These fears increased ten fold the day I was caught.  It was not my husband who suspected anything, but his parents.  They had me followed one day and video taped me leaving a hotel with James.  My husband confronted me at home after his parents had informed him of the situation.  To express how scared I was seems superfluous.  The only thing I was scared of was my husband leaving me and hurting my children.  James meant nothing to me in that moment.  I remember my husband being very calm.  He asked what I wanted to do.  I, of course, said that I did not want a divorce and that I would stop seeing this person.

My husband’s reaction my seem strange, but if I back up a bit, it will make more sense.  Around this time (and I can not remember if it was before, during or after I was caught), my husband began having an affair as well.   His cold-as-ice demeanor tipped me off immediately (a feeling I had felt once before).  I was petrified he was going to leave our family.  I could not be mad at him for it because I knew I had driven him away, and of course, I had committed the very same act.  This period in time compounded my stress and fear levels immensely.

To go way, way back, my husband was my high school sweetheart.  We dated on and off for seven years before getting married.  The first time he broke up with me, my world had ended.  I didn’t know anything else but him, he was my first love.  I’ll never forget what he said to me the day he left me.  I can only assume it was not horrible enough for him to dump me, so he told me that he didn’t love me and that he never had.  This was the same exact sentiment he told me once again, ten plus years into marriage, on the day I confronted him about his affair.  I don’t believe there are any two moments in my life that come remotely close to the pain I felt on these occasions.  I will never understand the purpose, true or not, of saying those words to anyone.

We both eventually decided to try and make it work.  He ended his affair and I attempted to, unsuccessfully.  Continuing my affair at this point, under heightened security, was the beginning of another journey.  There is only so much stress a body can take before it begins to break down…

Up next:  Fear Becomes Me, Part Two

This post is the continuation of my story and journey to divorce.  My last related post was A Secret Life.  You can find my story from the beginning under the category, My Conscious Journey to Divorce.

 

Photo credit:  www.nevadatree.com

 

 


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The Wait. (Weekly Writing Challenge: The Setting’s the Thing)

Creating a setting from a different time or place that is unfamiliar to me, is not called a challenge for nothin’.  Here goes somethin’…

I was moving slow today.  Actually, everything seemed to be in slow motion.  I felt a hyper-awareness to my surroundings.  While walking to the diner, I was aware of each foot step as if it were calculated.  The pressure, the distance, the speed, my senses were working over-time.

A waft of smoke distended out into the fresh air when I opened the heavy glass door.  The suits must be lined up at the counter for lunch already, I thought.  I reminded myself that I should probably quit smoking, but I took a deep inhale for the moment.  I was oddly calm, but my hyper-awareness was beginning to make me feel on edge.  Rita nodded me over to an empty table next to a window.  I always pictured her as a Hindu Goddess with four arms by the way she was able to balance everything.  This was my favorite Greek diner this side of town, but the air was heavy on the garlic today, making me a bit queasy.  I took my seat.  I always sat facing the crowd; I liked to people watch.  This behavior really annoyed my husband when he wanted my attention.

I wasn’t seated for more than a minute before I became entranced in my surroundings.  There was something about Nixon and the war on the radio near the counter.  All the men had their ears perked, but I couldn’t listen; it was too depressing.  I saw their faces turn from jovial to somber in a matter of seconds.  My eyes swerved to behind the counter where old Babo, that’s what we all called the owner, was yelling something in Greek.  His arms were flailing around wildly at his son who appeared to be late for work.  Wow, he grew up fast.  He was wearing red flared pants and a flowery shirt.  It was all very tight and showed off his new grown-up physique.  Just then the sound of a spoon rattling against a cup and saucer demanded my attention.  Rita must have sent over the new girl with my usual cup of tea.  Her hand was shaking, she was so nervous.  I gave her a friendly smile trying to calm her nerves.  Wait a minute, I thought, I was the one that needed calming!

I ordered some Avgolemono, as that was about all my stomach could take for the moment.  I wondered how long it would be before John arrived.  The last cloud must have surrendered, because the sun was coming in through the window beside me now.  It was going to be another scorcher.  I could sense the pavement outside bracing for impact already against the overhead sun.  My polyester dress seemed to react like an oven, and I was the food being roasted alive.  A Beatles song was just turned up a hair by Rita.  She gave Babo a look as if to say, “Don’t you say a word!”  But in Greek, of course.  I wish the Beatles’ break-up was still my greatest concern.

I watched as every movement from the waitresses seemed to create a reaction from old Babo.  I thought I was on edge, but watching his exaggerated expressions made me feel somehow more at ease.  I couldn’t understand a word  he was saying, but his face and hands told the whole story.  I sensed I was being watched at that moment and turned my head towards the feeling.  When I caught her, the elderly woman looked down at her coffee, purposefully slow.  What was that about?  I suddenly felt guilty.  Could she tell?  No way.  Was it because I wasn’t wearing a wedding ring?  We couldn’t afford one.  John and I decided to wait until he was at least a few months into his new fancy job.

We were still so young.  We had only been married four months and still getting to know one another.  Would he be happy?  I’m sure I was worried for nothing, but I am a naturally paranoid person.  My paranoia began to peek when he still hadn’t arrived.  Queens wasn’t that far from the airport.  Just then, I saw him rush in through the door.  I watched as he quickly scanned the restaurant for me.  I raised my hand and he offered me a wide smile.  God, he was beautiful.  He was dressed in a form fitting leisure suit.  Everyone dressed up to fly.  It was all very out-of-my-league.   He sat down and I could immediately feel his energy.  He seemed happy.  “Hello, darling,” he said.  I returned the warm greeting.

Then blurted, “I’m pregnant.”

 

Photo credit:  www.tintandgraphics.com  Deciding on an image was tough because I didn’t want to give anything away, such as the time and place I was trying to describe.  I wanted my words to be used to figure this out and not have the picture do it for me.  The challenge was to write a setting for the following scene:  A man and his wife meet for lunch in a diner on August 5th, 1970, in New York City. She’s pregnant and plans to spill the beans over lunch.

Below are other great responses to this challenge:

  1. Icezine
  2. Loyal muse
  3. Mary J Melange
  4. Epic Blog
  5. Rolbos
  6. Haiverer
  7. Late-Night Ruminations
  8. SERENDIPITY
  9. Cream Cheese, Bread & World Peace
  10. This is ME, you know.
  11. Project Momentarily
  12. Shawn’s Open Journal…
  13. In the life of Sara…
  14. Wridings
  15. A Fragile Line

 


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Who are you living for?

Look Up

The above link is to a YouTube video that I really want to share with those that have not already seen it.  It’s about social media and how there’s really nothing social about it.  It’s quick and painless and worth every second!

My teenage son is normally quite the homebody and pretty shy.  He tells me he is bored a lot, which I find frustrating.  I wish I could say I was bored that often!  (Actually, not really, I would go insane.)  I have been telling him for some time now that he needs to find some hobbies (other than surfing the internet for stuff to buy) and get a job for when school ends.  Lately, and sort-of all-of-a-sudden, he has been pretty busy and away from home.  I asked him what was going on, wondering what had spurred him into action.  He showed me this video.  Apparently, it made an impact.

I would have to say it made an impact on me too.  When I was away in the mountains for 10 days recently, I did not have service most of that time.  It was liberating.  It felt so good because I did not feel obligated.  I didn’t feel the pressure to maintain an appearance, so to speak, but I worried about it and that bothered me.  I struggled between the feelings of the world revolving without me, and enjoying complete freedom from technology.

After I thought about how I wanted this knowledge to impact me, I determined that I need to write for myself and hopefully, make an impact on others.  I need to always keep my focus on these goals and not worry about how many comments, how many followers and how many likes.  It is easy to get sucked into.  I admit that I feel anxious in the morning to check my WP account and see if the little box in the upper right-hand corner is the color orange.  I feel happy when it is, and kind of disappointed if it isn’t.  I don’t want to feel that way.  Yes, I want to feel like what I am writing is making an impact but I don’t want to “worry” about it.  I want to send it out with love…and leave the rest to the universe.  I want to find the happy balance between growing my audience (I do want to write a book one day and so someone has to find me!), and doing what I love without pressure or spending an excessive amount of time at this bloody computer!  I want to find the sweet spot.  That is my goal…that is my mission.  If my teenage son is smart enough to figure this out, than I have NO EXCUSES!