I woke up feeling a bit sentimental over my mother today. I find it surprising since I have been upset with her lately. Try as I might to figure it out, I’ve decided to just allow it.
What is it about mother’s? I can never be mad at her for long. Even when she has done horrible things, I still love her, I still need her, and I still want her in my life.
We are so alike and yet so different. On the outside, we look just alike (Ok, you can’t really tell with me as a baby but trust me, we look alike!). On the inside, we are both strong and creative. We are both critical and I hate that about myself (Mom, sorry, but I blame you!). Yet there is something very different that it is hard to put into words. She is guarded with me if I had to guess, and I will never know or understand why.
We live on opposite ends of the States so we rarely see one another. I miss her desperately at times. I envy those that have their mother’s close. I have always craved a closer relationship with her. She is very independent and too self-serving to put time into our relationship. That is my side of the story anyway. These are my expectations of what I want from her and I know that is something I should not do. She is who she is and I must love and accept her for that. And I do, most of the time.
So Mom, even though you will never see this, I want to say that where ever you are, whatever mountain you are climbing, whatever cave you are exploring, whatever trail you are meandering, I love you til the ends of the earth, which is usually where you are! I will always crave more of you, but thank you for being there when I have needed you most!