chey being

Seeing what's inside again.


Leave a comment

How are you going to go out?

The Secret Of Life.

This short little video above is about life, but instead, it really made me think about death.  As a young child I had an abnormal fear of death.  I remember several occasions when I was very young, laying awake at night in a layer of sweat worrying about dying.  These episodes subsided as I grew up because like most people, I became quite adapt at shutting out topics I didn’t want to think about.

As the years have past, I am not sure if I have done well avoiding the topic or if it is simply something most of us think about but rarely talk about.  Each decade of my life that passes, I seem to think about it more.  It’s there looming of course, and becoming ever more a clearer reality.

index

OK, I really am not wanting to write some depressing post…no, seriously!  In fact, this post is about letting go of the fear of death and the fear of LIFE.  In the video, there is a line, “The fear of death is completely obsurd because if you’re dead you got nothing to worry about, so you’ll be alright.”  It sounds stupid simple but it makes a good point.  When I really stop and think about it, I am more afraid of being in pain and/or suffering than not existing on this planet.  The whole non-existing thing well, depending on your beliefs, it just might be the most amazing thing ever.

I am grateful that I no longer have mini panic attacks over dying.  Maybe it comes with maturity, maybe it comes with being less fearful in life, or maybe it just comes when you’re plain worn out from life.  I am grateful for the fact that the older I get, the more I let go of fear, the more I want to do whatever the hell I want to do!  Amen to Bucket Lists!  I wish to God that I would have felt this way 20 years ago, but…no regrets.  Perhaps, this is exactly what I came here to experience.  Whatever the reason for my transformation, I now fear not living more than I fear death.
images

What is important is only this very moment.  What are you going to do with this very moment?  Life isn’t about the drama, the temporary problems, or even that traffic jam that we overreact to (You know who you are!!).  Life is about that feeling you get when your child gives you the biggest hug for no reason, it’s about walking barefoot in the grass, it’s about making someone’s day, and it’s about whatever makes you STOP and feelhearsmell…or taste.

It’s so easy to romanticize, but it really does come down to a choice.  Your choice.  It’s not about “If that didn’t,” or “When that happens.”  It’s about right now, changing your focus, changing your perspective and letting go of the security blanket that is really having the opposite effect.  Sure, we all get down, make excuses ad nauseum, have bad days, or have bad things happen, but the difference is how long we stay in that bad place.  It’s like my writing right now, the longer I am “too busy” to write, the harder it is to get back to what I love.

index

Now, how are you going to go out?
Advertisements


8 Comments

When what is, is enough.

How often do we talk about something we are really happy about and then in the same breath we complain about something else?  How often do our wheels spin on all our problems and “To do” lists instead of what is going great?  How often do we celebrate the good things, compared to complaining about the bad?

I’ve been feeling pretty good on a large front lately.  At the beginning of the year, I quit my stay-at-home job with the family business to pursue writing and to teach Pilates.  I had grown to hate the isolation of working at home…alone…in front of a computer, day in and day out.  It was a tough decision to let go of control and add the financial burden of a new employee, but I have never looked back.  Last month I completed my training and threw myself out (more like crept out with trepidation) into the world looking for work (Also the reason for my long absence from WP).  I had not searched for a job in over 20 years!  Within two weeks, the work poured in and it’s still coming from unexpected places and situations.

index

So, yes, I have been on a nice high the past few weeks from accomplishing my goal.  But then…I thought, what about my marriage?  My marriage is falling apart.  The high began to fade.  I am no longer distracted from my marriage woes.  It was a fun few weeks to pour my soul into something and forget my other reality.  As I began to stress about the status of my marriage, I began to get very angry at this dark cloud that was ruining my good mood.  I began to get angry that I was allowing it to ruin my good mood.  How does one stay happy, or even calm, when there is a big tiger in the room that must be addressed?

index

I just want to be happy.  How many times a minute is that phrase uttered around the world?  Too many.  Through all my highs and lows, I came to realize that there may always be something that is not right. Something that drags us down.  Something that causes great sadness.  Some tough decision that must be made.  I think it takes practice to change our focus, to change our perspective.  That is life and how we grow and evolve into better human beings.  I know I am a much calmer person since I have had the realization that good things usually come from bad in the end.  There is always enough should I choose to believe there is.  And if I am never happy with “what is,” I will never be happy, period.

While I still feel the dark cloud looming, I must learn to be an observer.  Yes, it’s there.  So what?