How often do we talk about something we are really happy about and then in the same breath we complain about something else? How often do our wheels spin on all our problems and “To do” lists instead of what is going great? How often do we celebrate the good things, compared to complaining about the bad?
I’ve been feeling pretty good on a large front lately. At the beginning of the year, I quit my stay-at-home job with the family business to pursue writing and to teach Pilates. I had grown to hate the isolation of working at home…alone…in front of a computer, day in and day out. It was a tough decision to let go of control and add the financial burden of a new employee, but I have never looked back. Last month I completed my training and threw myself out (more like crept out with trepidation) into the world looking for work (Also the reason for my long absence from WP). I had not searched for a job in over 20 years! Within two weeks, the work poured in and it’s still coming from unexpected places and situations.
So, yes, I have been on a nice high the past few weeks from accomplishing my goal. But then…I thought, what about my marriage? My marriage is falling apart. The high began to fade. I am no longer distracted from my marriage woes. It was a fun few weeks to pour my soul into something and forget my other reality. As I began to stress about the status of my marriage, I began to get very angry at this dark cloud that was ruining my good mood. I began to get angry that I was allowing it to ruin my good mood. How does one stay happy, or even calm, when there is a big tiger in the room that must be addressed?
I just want to be happy. How many times a minute is that phrase uttered around the world? Too many. Through all my highs and lows, I came to realize that there may always be something that is not right. Something that drags us down. Something that causes great sadness. Some tough decision that must be made. I think it takes practice to change our focus, to change our perspective. That is life and how we grow and evolve into better human beings. I know I am a much calmer person since I have had the realization that good things usually come from bad in the end. There is always enough should I choose to believe there is. And if I am never happy with “what is,” I will never be happy, period.
While I still feel the dark cloud looming, I must learn to be an observer. Yes, it’s there. So what?