chey being

Seeing what's inside again.


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Sharing Stories

I am very happy to present below, a guest blogger!  Dear Claire has been very generous in sharing her story and allowing me to post it here on my blog.  Please be sure to check out her beautiful blog where she is “Saving the planet, one green tip at a time.” 

 

I have had the recent pleasure of taking part in the http://dailypost.wordpress.com/courses/blogging-201-branding-and-growth/ course.  One of the unexpected bonuses of participating is that I’ve discovered bloggers all around the world who write on such a variety of topics.  Chey Being caught my attention as a fellow blogging student as she writes on a slightly different topic to most ‘divorce’.

My divorce isn’t something I’ve written about in public before but reading Chey Being has given me the confidence to do so.

Back in 2005 I was going through a very rough time in my life having just lost my two grandparents who brought me up and Richard was there to comfort me.  The relationship very quickly progressed and we were living together within only a few weeks and engaged within a few months.  I’m quite an introvert really and find relationships quite difficult and so Richard was in fact my first real relationship so I was swept away.

By 2008 we had our first beautiful child together and were pressured by then by his parents to get married as they didn’t like us being unmarried parents.  To be honest, we nearly split up just before I found out I was pregnant as I found out Richard was exchanging explicit sexual text messages with another much younger woman.  However, with a baby on its way and my confidence being incredibly low I decided to let the text messages go and give Richard another chance.

Fast-forward to the Summer of 2009 we finally got married.  People say the day of your wedding should be the happiest day of your life, well mine wasn’t.  I had niggling doubts in the days leading up to the wedding but I assumed these were just nerves about the day, I wasn’t allowed to invite my family and friends as Richard didn’t get on with them but again he made me believe this was normal; in fact I hadn’t had any contact with my  own family and friends since he decided he didn’t like them.

My wedding day basically involved me looking after our daughter and him getting drunk with his friends.  Not a great start!

Within two years of being married, Richard had an affair and he had signed up to numerous sex chat websites.  I gradually learned to realise that Richard was being increasingly emotionally abusive towards me, he was forever putting me down, banning me from contacting people, shouting at me and verbally abusing me.  My confidence and self-esteem were at an all time low.

I eventually got admitted to a psychiatric hospital as I tried to take my own life things were that bad.

During recovery, I joined an internet forum for a hobby I have.  Over the space of a few months I built up a wonderful friendship with an American that changed my life.  Tom is a few years younger than I am, but we instantly clicked on the site, initially we just commented on each others posts and shared the occasional joke.

Gradually and I mean very slowly we started to private message each other and I confided in him about my situation.  Tom did an incredible job of rebuilding my confidence, made me feel respectable again and eventually gave me the confidence to leave my husband.  Finally I was free of him and it felt wonderful.  I’ll never forget the feeling of it just being me and my daughter int he house and the feeling of happiness washing over me.  Of course I would still have to deal with him for our daughter’s sake but I no longer had to spend time on my own with him.  It was only now that I realised how terrified I was of him.  My daughter also settled too, she was much happier as she could see me in a much more relaxed way; we played like we hadn’t really played before.

So, now nearly two years after I kicked him out, we’ve both moved on.  He still has regular contact with our daughter and I wouldn’t take that away from her, I have a choice who I’m married to she doesn’t have a choice who her Daddy is.

Tom and I stayed in touch and slowly built up a trans-Atlantic relationship.  We’ve met up in person lots of times through the two years and he makes me feel like no-one else has ever done.  He understands me, brought back my smile, he supports me, treasures me and makes me feel like the most special person in the world.  Hopefully one day in the future he’ll actually live over here in the UK with me as I can’t imagine things any other way 🙂

So I’d like to thank Chey Being for giving me the confidence to write about my divorce as it’s actually one of the best things that has happened to me!

Thanks for reading, here is where I normally blog: http://aimingtobegreen.wordpress.com


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FaceBOOKED

This was my thought process the other day when I signed up for Facebook.  Maybe you’ll get a chuckle.

Is my fear of Facebook natural?  Some people have a paralyzing fear of flying and crashing to the ground; well, my fear of Facebook is pretty close.  As some of you may know, I just started my blog and joined Twitter this year.  These were reeeeally BIG steps for me.  To throw myself out there publicly was not easy.  I still struggle with my fears.  What are my fears?  I’m sharing many private details of my past in hopes of helping others, but I do not want my family involved.  I have children of Google age!   I also fear being judged by those close to me.  I’ve been there, done that, wish not to repeat.

I tend to be very distrusting of people, which further fuels my paranoia.  Admittedly, I often imagine the worst in people until proven otherwise.  Either my expectations are too high or I’ve been around  a lot of losers.  I think it’s the first one.  Not to mention, I am getting tired of everyone asking me if I am on Facebook (Related post here).  Can we not come up with better questions to propagate future communication?  For example, “I’ll call you!”  Or, let’s get really hi-tech, “I’ll text you and we’ll meet for lunch next week.”   I feel like a two year old, stamping their little feet because they don’t want to do something.  It is ridiculous.  I’m actually sweating right now with the thought of signing up.  Now, I’m laughing at myself.  Screw it!  I’ll be right back.

Ok, instead of the two year old throwing a temper tantrum, I am now the awkward teenager succumbing to peer pressure.  Obviously, I have some issues to deal with.  I feel defeated.  I feel invaded.  Do I now ask you to follow me on Facebook?  This is so dumb.

 

 

Photo Courtesy of Flickr


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May I have your attention, please?

Hello all you beautiful people!

As some of you may know, I joined WP’s Blogging 201 a week ago (One more week to go!).  It has been really awesome and really difficult, all at the same time.  I am learning so much!  It has given me the much needed push into social media and in that regard, let’s just pretend this OMG is in like, 72 Font Size.  That is why I have been a bit absent as well.  I’ve also been making changes to the look of my blog (it’s so purdy!) and I have gone through a few name changes, settling on Chey Being, as you may have noticed.

Anyway, I would like to throw out my Twitter and Facebook links to anyone interested.  If you are, that’s cool.  If not, I’ll still think you’re pretty cool 😉  Thanks so much for you’re support.  I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of invisible friends!

Facebook

Twitter


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Sharing my blog goals. Are you in?

Today is the first day of Blogging 201.  This will expand over the next two weeks; therefore, my posts will likely be solely related to the assignments.  If you did not join the group, perhaps you can tag along with me!  Our task is to layout three goals for our blog.  This part I find easy.  The part I find more difficult is that we are to be specific…like, include numbers and percentages!  Oh my!  With that aside, I am very happy to share this information with my followers, as many of you have been so kind and supportive of my journey thus far.  I think it is a wonderful idea to let you know a bit more about myself and my purpose here.  Thanks for joining me.

1.  My purpose from the beginning was to tell my story.  Why?  What makes me so special?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  I am no more special than anyone else to be honest, I just happen to be writing it down for all to see.  I enjoy writing and I think I’m pretty good at it, at times.  I do have a tale to tell that I think is interesting, but more importantly, I think it could be helpful.  My ultimate purpose in telling my story is to help others in the same situation.  Help others who have had/or are having affairs.  Help others going through divorce.  Help others who are debating divorce.  I also enjoy writing about other topics (i.e. raising children) that are thought provoking and can bring about positive changes in our lives.  To share my story and related bits, my first goal is to post 1-2 times per week.

2.  Now, if I want to help people, I need to reach them.  This will actually consist of a few goals.  I would like to double my followers on WP and Twitter by the end of June.  I would also like to add another avenue of social media such as, Facebook, Google +, or Instagram.  I am hoping to learn more about social media and its usefulness during this course.  Hopefully, it will also help me decide which one of these to pursue.  I would like to have this new media up and running by the end of May.  Lastly, I want to spend about 20 minutes, two to three times per week reading and commenting on other blogs.  I think this will help grow my following as well, plus I enjoy it!

3.  Lastly, my goal is to earn a book contract.  I have dreamed of writing a book for many years and finally, I am attempting that dream.  If it happens, fantastic.  If not, well, at least I finally tried.  I know I have reached some people and I can say I enjoyed the ride.  It would be wonderful to earn a living writing and helping others.  I honestly see myself traveling and talking in front of a large groups of people someday.  That is where I want to be within the next two years.  Lofty goal, I know, but anything is possible and I am definitely not getting any younger!  To earn such an honor, I would also like to continue with the weekly DP Challenges.  I feel these help me grow and expand as a writer.  They are super fun, too!  It is a nice break to write about other topics for a change.  Reading and engaging with the many people that I follow also helps me grow as a writer and provides some great ideas.  They are writing so many beautiful things, it is hard to keep up, but I am trying!

Can I add a #4?  Well, I am a rebel at heart and have been accused of being an over-achiever more than once.  My #4 is that I would like to change the name of my blog.  It is boring and meaningless.  Problem is, I don’t know what to change it to!  I want to be a writer and I can’t come up with a name?!?  That’s kind of sad!  So my last and final goal is to come up with a kick-ass blog name by the end of April.  Wish me luck!