chey being

For my untempered heart


When what is, is enough.

How often do we talk about something we are really happy about and then in the same breath we complain about something else?  How often do our wheels spin on all our problems and “To do” lists instead of what is going great?  How often do we celebrate the good things, compared to complaining about the bad?

I’ve been feeling pretty good on a large front lately.  At the beginning of the year, I quit my stay-at-home job with the family business to pursue writing and to teach Pilates.  I had grown to hate the isolation of working at home…alone…in front of a computer, day in and day out.  It was a tough decision to let go of control and add the financial burden of a new employee, but I have never looked back.  Last month I completed my training and threw myself out (more like crept out with trepidation) into the world looking for work (Also the reason for my long absence from WP).  I had not searched for a job in over 20 years!  Within two weeks, the work poured in and it’s still coming from unexpected places and situations.


So, yes, I have been on a nice high the past few weeks from accomplishing my goal.  But then…I thought, what about my marriage?  My marriage is falling apart.  The high began to fade.  I am no longer distracted from my marriage woes.  It was a fun few weeks to pour my soul into something and forget my other reality.  As I began to stress about the status of my marriage, I began to get very angry at this dark cloud that was ruining my good mood.  I began to get angry that I was allowing it to ruin my good mood.  How does one stay happy, or even calm, when there is a big tiger in the room that must be addressed?


I just want to be happy.  How many times a minute is that phrase uttered around the world?  Too many.  Through all my highs and lows, I came to realize that there may always be something that is not right. Something that drags us down.  Something that causes great sadness.  Some tough decision that must be made.  I think it takes practice to change our focus, to change our perspective.  That is life and how we grow and evolve into better human beings.  I know I am a much calmer person since I have had the realization that good things usually come from bad in the end.  There is always enough should I choose to believe there is.  And if I am never happy with “what is,” I will never be happy, period.

While I still feel the dark cloud looming, I must learn to be an observer.  Yes, it’s there.  So what?





Resurrecting the stay-at-home mom? (A Lost Art, Writing Challenge)

My son had an interesting day at school yesterday.  He told me he learned that marriages have a higher percentage of being happy when the woman stays at home and the man goes to work.  They are happier because they each have defined roles and this causes less arguing.   Having a defined person in charge (the man), creates less friction.  When both, the husband and the wife, want to be in charge, they fight over whose way is better.  Their roles are more confusing and this creates more friction.  A marriage is more peaceful when the man is in charge and the women follows his lead.

No, we do not live in a cabin in the mountains, or in a city with a population of 112.

He also added that the teacher asked the class what their parents fight most about and they concluded that the majority of fights were over “stupid pointless stuff.”  I asked my son what he took away from this class discussion.  He told me that he agreed that it is better when a man is in charge and the woman takes on a more subservient role (yes, he used the word subservient).  He feels this will create a more peaceful home life.

This could explain why my son has dated half the 10th grade class and is currently single.

My initial knee-jerk reaction was, WTF?  However, much to my surprise, I remained calm.  I know my son and he is very opinionated; once he has formed an opinion, it is unlikely to change based on anything I have to say.  Any parent will probably tell you that children much prefer to take on the opinions of complete strangers over their parents.  It is in a child’s nature to go rogue, but when they reach adulthood, they will most likely fall back on becoming just like their parents (for better or for worse).   It is also not surprising coming from my son because he does not like loud spaces, distractions, or people arguing.   So, if he feels this “way of life” would cause less fighting in a relationship, than that is the opinion he will agree with.  I did offer some arguments against his new found way of life, but after a brief discussion, I decided to drop it.  I wasn’t quite sure where I stood.  I am a very strong woman and it goes against all I am to agree with these role arrangements (even though I was a stay-at-home mom by choice).   But I could not argue with these facts (as regurgitated by a 17 year old mind you).  Unless I had a better alternative, I did not feel I should continue talking with him on the subject.

Is being a subservient stay-at-home mom a skill women have forgone?  Does this mean that women need to stop progressing or pursuing their own dreams in order to have happy marriages?  Is it really possible to have it all?

Thankfully, there is no going back.  Men and women are changing and evolving.  Progress?  I don’t know if I would use that word because progress seems to imply something as right and who is to say what is “right.”  It is simply different now, than it was before; however, every change has an effect.  Women going into the work force more and more have a huge effect on marriages, raising children, what our children eat, where our children spend their day, who they spend it with, and the lifestyle afforded to the family, just to name a few.

So what do we do with this information?

Maybe there is something to be learned here.  Can responsibilities and roles still be defined when both parents work?  Is it really that simple?  Doubtful, but hopeful.  We are thrown into parenthood so quickly.  There is no test run.  There is no 9 to 5 baby, Monday through Fridays.  That child is there, instantly, all…the…time!  A parent’s survival mode kicks in whether it is a good move or not.  Imagine you are dying of thirst.  You have been walking for days without as much as a drop of water.  You finally come across a river.  A dirty river.  You know it’s contaminated with God knows what parasites and all.  Do you drink?  Hell yes!  You have to in order to survive!  That’s what we do as parents and I think it creates bad habits within marriages.  Having defined roles could make things smoother, maybe creating less resentment and fighting.

Yeah, yeah, I know…in a perfect world.

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Check out other responses to A Lost Art:

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A F**k It List?

I just read a little snip-it about Joan Rivers doing a F–k It List, as opposed to the popular Bucket List.  I think this is genius!  She feels that at her age, just go for it.  But I say, at any age, we should just go for it!

This naughty but nice list is exactly what I have been attempting to do this year.  I have passed up so many opportunities and dismissed so many ideas in my life because I was always too afraid to fail!  My whole life I have always taken the safe bet.  I made choices based on what I knew I could do, and not just do, do really well.  My motto was to be the best or why bother.  Yes, I know that is ridiculous; it comes from being a pure-bred perfectionist.

By the end of 2013 I came to hate the meaningless work I was doing.  My husband and I worked together every day as well, and that wasn’t working out either.  Thankfully, getting out of it was the easy part, it was letting go that was the hard part.  I admit I like to control things and I have a hard time trusting people.  I didn’t want to pass my work to someone else.  When I realized I needed to put trust in other people and have faith that my letting go would benefit everyone, it was like a hundred pound weight had been lifted.  Seriously, angels were singing!  It was glorious!

The next hard part was figuring out what I wanted to do.  There I was on the verge of a new year, 42 years old, and still did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up.  So, I just let it go.  I surrendered and I put it out to the universe.  With tears pouring down my face, I asked for guidance.  I asked for a clear picture of what I am to do.  For the first time ever, I wasn’t worried.  I knew it would come.

And it did.

And for the first time in my life, I am saying, “F–K IT!”

Welcome to #1 on my list:  Start a blog and write, write, write. 



Social Media Freak-Out

Within the last month or two, I have started a blog and opened a Twitter account.  This is pretty major for me.  I own internet companies, I’ve developed websites, I’ve tackled the impossible Google advertising, etc, etc, but…I have somehow managed to avoid the beast of social media.  I recently quit my job (I worked for myself) and hired someone else to replace me because I wanted to get AWAY from the computer.  AWAY from the isolation of sitting at home ALONE.  Since then, I have pursued writing (duh) and becoming a certified Pilates instructor (LOVE Pilates).  I also want to pursue selling some of my art online.  I have been told to join Facebook,  Esty, and Pinterest.  Like, I have to, they say.  I’ve been told this so many times throughout the years.  Where do people find the time for this stuff?  I’m too busy living life, spending time with my children, cooking healthy dinners, working, exercising, reading, ya know, all that old school stuff.  I’m trying to get away from the computer but they keep sucking me back in (think Godfather, Al Pacino).

I need to find the happy medium.  I need to believe that in order for a business to do well or a person to be heard, that they don’t need to be on every social media site.  I HAVE to believe this because I do not want to work that hard…in front of a machine…by myself.  If I am going to work, I want it to be doing something I love. Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet and I look at my cell phone way too much, but at some point, I have to draw the line and not be peer pressured into every avenue of social media.  Let’s be social at lunch.  Let’s be social at the gym. Look me in the eye and tell me about your day.  I want to LIVE my life. Not spend it in front of a computer trying desperately to rack up numbers.  Maybe this is the new way of the world.  Maybe this is my version of the little old lady that refuses to use those “blasted cell phones!”  Maybe I am stuck in the past. But hey, vintage is always in.

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A change is gonna come…

Oh my, so this is blogdom!  This is a giant leap for me as I am one of the few remaining stragglers yet to have thrown themselves out into the wild wide web for all to see.  It feels uncomfortable using my real identity here.  I feel as though I should hide for fear of repercussions of my words.  Is this normal?  Is this a generational thing I’m feeling?  I want to be open and honest; however, when I am on the verge of my second divorce, I feel completely paranoid and vulnerable.

With my fear locked up for a moment and a few deep breaths, I want to say that my intention here is to write through my next journey in life and also to share my past lessons learned.  So, here I stand on the precipice of a new journey.  Will I stay within my safety net, or will I take yet another leap of faith?  I don’t know.  I’m scared.  I’m excited.  I’m chicken shit!  I’m incredibly strong.  Depends on every minute of every single day and it can be exhausting.

At the end of last year, I had an internal meltdown.  I literally felt a surge of unleashed energy driving me to make a change for my own self-preservation.  Two issues…I no longer enjoyed my work and my second husband and I were at each others throats!  One in itself would be challenging but there I was, wanting yet again, a clean slate.  It’s not that I’m a runner; the issue is that I start down a path of predictability.  I choose the the safe road that’s beautifully paved with no bumps and a clear view of what’s up ahead.  As I continue on this road, I realize, I’m on the wrong fucking road.  This is sooo boring!  I begin looking for trouble just to distract myself because I don’t know how to get off the road or I’m just too scared to throw myself out of a moving vehicle!

So this is where I am.  On a moving vehicle with the door open and one leg hanging out.  A change is gonna come…I hope you’ll join me.